by Jennifer Jonassen

My deadline for this column came super fast this month what with the holidays and I found myself for the first time in months trying to scrounge something up to write about. Stopping off at my neighborhood Ralph's supermarket-Jennifer Love Hewitt's womanly & sexy body leapt at me from the cover of People Magazine. Hewitt was defending "unflattering" pictures taken of herself on a recent trip to Hawaii. She is quoted as saying: " A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be." And as empathetic People magazine may have felt they were being to run Hewitt's assertions on loving your body, the majority if the magazine in one way or another was devoted to scrutinizing women's bodies. (An actual article written with the sole purpose of  praising The cast of  Sex & The City for keeping their figures over the years.) And sadly in the very same issue where Hewitt "urges women" to 'put on a bikini and stay strong' there is an article about a teen who had gastric lap band surgery. Oh the messages the media loves to give! Mind-boggling...

It's really like the riddle of the sphinx to me- this question about weight and why it is of such paramount importance to us women. When did fat become so despised? I do not think I will ever understand why being fat has been slotted to carry so much hatred. And lately it seems our media really loves to hurt women. Celebrities and models in particular because they have what we think we do not: perceived perfection. I mean come on - was Britney really fat at the MTV video music awards?! But nothing cuts a woman down faster than to call her fat. Ridiculous. Step outside an unforgiving 5 pound parameter of whatever 'fethishized' version of woman is printed all over magazines (men's and fashion) and you might as well be a leper. The worst part is this: we know better. We really do. And yet it's perfectly acceptable- in fact encouraged- to make fun of fat people. Overweight men & women know first hand what I am talking about when I say it is the last form of acceptable discrimination in our society. Absolutely nothing else I know of cuts someone to the quick faster then that little 3 lettered word. I know nothing has hurt me more.

Recently a new friend and I were talking about my column and she actually asked me (quite casually I might add): " How long have you had a weight problem?" I was dumbstruck at first but looked directly into her eyes and said: " I don't see it as a problem. What makes you think it is a problem?" In fact, the day before I had just gone through a particularly strenuous audition for of all things - Cirque du Soleil! - and was feeling pretty darn invincible where my body was concerned. But in the past her comment could have hurt me a lot. I decided not to let it this time. She explained she was coming from her own place of conflict with her own fractured body image. And I could tell she felt badly, realizing she had put her foot in her mouth but I think it goes much deeper than that. Because she hadn't even realized at first there was anything wrong with referring to my size as a problem. It is that deeply embedded in our thinking. It is just accepted that if you are fat it is a problem. No questions asked. You are damaged goods. Almost inhuman.