Deb Malkin...

I grew up as a "fat" kid, although when I look back at pictures of myself as a child I see an average sized body. I can't imagine what it would have been like to grow up without constant scrutiny about my body. I wonder if I would have ever yo-yo dieted in the extreme ways that I did. I wonder if I could have learned to dance without feeling self conscious all the time.

Sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock and get back all the time, money and emotional currency that I spent on dieting, but I can't. I learned a lot about myself and the world through that kind of suffering. I want to live my life surrounded by people who are fierce and sexy and dare to live life without apologizing for their body. That is the world I want to be immersed in everyday. Thank goodness for the amazing and courageous people I've met in the size acceptance movement. I've learned how to say no to shame. I've learned to fight again systems that seek to humiliate and profit off of promoting self hatred. I was told and began to believe that I'm beautiful and deserving of love.

It's taken me the majority of my life to 1. stop waiting to lose weight before following my dreams. 2. stop apologizing for being different from the dominant culture and 3. stop caring so much about what other people think about me or my size. I realize that I am the only one responsible for the happiness in my life and it's not about the number on a scale, it's about fighting to love myself and help spread these same messages. What does it mean to have love for ourselves in the face of so much pressure to lose weight? How can we give each other the essential message that it's ok to be who we are, without feeling like we have to compete with or tear down other women?

Through Re/Dress NYC I have the amazing privilege to witness beautiful people all day long, having fun with fashion, pushing their own comfort zones, trying out new looks and feeling good about themselves. I've had women, who've stopped caring and stopped trying on clothing because it's been so painful, be able to relax and become playful again. I would love Re/Dress NYC to not only be a place where you can find a great dress or top at a great price, but also a place of fun, social connection and harmony.

In a recently workshop called Body Love Wellness that we hosted in the store, we spoke about the ways we can honor our bodies, and find avenues to health and well-being that are contrary to the mainstream "diet + fail" methods that are all around us. Golda Poretsky, the workshop leader spoke about investigating what we find nourishing in not only food but in our lives. It was a wonderful conversation to be a part of and I'm excited to finally have a space to kick-start more of these type of conversations. Building and owning Re/Dress NYC feels like the next chapter in my story of healing and loving my body.